Theology Of The Body | New Hope Talks

Around Christmas time I often see comments asking for advice or complaining about people (often grandparents) who give too many gifts to children at Christmas. Some of these comments get quite angry.

These complaints range from not having enough space to not wanting the children to think Christmas is all about presents. Although these are all valid arguments for asking family members to restrain themselves – we need to keep a few other things in mind.

Theology of the Body and Presents

What does this have to do with Theology of the Body? Well, at the core of the Theology of the Body is the idea that we’re called to make a gift of ourselves. But if we’re called to make a gift of ourselves then we need to recognise that others are also called to make a gift themselves.

And we need to learn to accept that gift.

Who’s Perspective?

When looking at what someone else has to offer us, we often see it only from our own perspective. We judge the gift the person is making (whether physical, or a gift of time, emotion etc) from the perspective of what it can do for me, or what the benefit is to me. If the gift doesn’t suit us, our ideas, our lifestyle – we reject it.

We need to start looking at what the gift is saying to us about what that person is offering.

What’s their Love Language?

Let’s take the example of the over gifting grandparents. First, it’s important to know there are five primary ways we feel and give love. We need to recognise that, for some people, gifts are the primary way they feel and receive love.

Now if this isn’t your love language you might find this difficult to understand, but what’s important is seeing the meaning behind the action. Then you recognise the true “gift of self” being made.

What’s their motivation?

There are also other factors we need to consider before judging the giver. Other then an expression of love, what else can be motivating the giver?

Looking at the motivation behind the action is an important social skill we often don’t learn about (look out for upcoming post on empathy.).

Back to the grandparents… Maybe they didn’t have much as children. Maybe they couldn’t provide many material things for their own children as they were growing up – and now they can. Maybe they feel insecure about their relationship to their grandchildren (or their own children). Maybe they’re not sure how best to connect with their grandchildren.

There can be hundreds of different reasons a person might disregard your request to only give one gift. Before letting frustration get the better of us, we need to take a step back and see from the giver’s perspective.

Valuing Relationships

Many of us, especially when it comes to our children, react quickly to things we’ve decided aren’t right for them – and rightly so! Our children need our protection. And as parents it’s our duty to make decisions for our family.

But, like all human relationships, we are not the only people involved. It’s natural for our kids to be the primary focus. But what’s the value of other relationships in our lives?

We need to balance what’s best for our children with the needs of others we wish to remain in relationship with.

(Now I’m not saying compromise your children’s up bringing for the sake of others around you. Just to weigh the importance of a single issue (in this case number of presents) with the importance of someone else’s needs.)

And remember, your child might also feel and express love best through gifts. And that’s ok – it doesn’t mean they’re materialists. Gifts can take the shape of home made crafts, etc. But some of that over indulgence at Christmas might be speaking right into their hearts.

Question: Are you someone who likes to give lots? Why do you do it? Or are you someone who’d rather there are less presents? And what’s the motivation? How can you teach the same value in the presence of presents? You can comment by clicking here.

Ok, so I’ll be honest. I don’t actually know if this is the shortest summary ever – I haven’t looked up every single summary of TOB to make sure. But it’s one blog post, which in TOB terms is very, very short.

So here goes, everything you need to know about TOB to know you want to know more…

Image from Waiting for the Word

Please keep in mind such a short summary of TOB is necessarily very simplistic, which TOB is anything but, so if you have any questions about a particular part you need to check out the original source.

What is TOB?

TOB stands for Theology of the Body. That’s the name given to a collection of talks (or more specifically, Wednesday audiences) given by Pope John Paul II between 1979 and 1984. (Actually JPII wrote the talks as a book first and when he told he wasn’t allowed to publish it he broke it up into talks (omitting some talks he thought might be too racey for a general audience) so if you’re reading the most up to date compilation it will include sections that were never publicly spoken).

It’s been named Theology of the Body because it shows how God is revealed through the human body.

What is TOB about?

The purpose of TOB is to explain the meaning and purpose of human sexuality and how to apply it in every day life.

In looking at the purpose and meaning of sexuality JPII examines:

What we were created for – relationship with God and each other.
What happens when sin enters the world – basically why we have so may problems with relationships with God and each other; and
Why we don’t need to settle for less than were were created for, even though sin has changed things. We can strive for true love and real joy! And with the help of Jesus, we can actually reach some measure of that love and joy this side of heaven.

JPII then looks at how we live this vision of love and sexuality as a celibate person, as a married couple, and specifically in relation to openness to life.

What’s the big fuss?

JPII asks us to look at our own experiences and those around us and compare it to what he’s presenting. This makes the whole thing incredibly accessible and incredibly powerful. Instead of giving us a list of dos and don’ts he asks us to look inside and see what it is we really want.

He asks us to look at our own experiences – If a stranger walked in on you in a shower block, would you cover up? Do you want to feel loved and looked upon with dignity? Do you ever feel used after sex? Do you think you should feel that way or is sex supposed to be more than that? Do you ever feel lonely? Do you wish you could share your life with someone?

The difference it makes

TOB explores some big ideas that will change the way you look at your life, like:

You are made in the image of God who is love – this means you’re made to love
You are made for relationship with God and others
You are designed to make a gift of yourself to others
We speak with our bodies, and so what we do with our bodies not only matters but communicates profoundly.

Is it a new teaching of the Church?

No. It’s not a new teaching, but it is a different way of understanding what the Church has always said. Church teaching grows and develops. This is one of those developments.

Check out more on TOB if you want:

answers to questions like – “what am I created for”?
relationships that don’t end in tears, depression, and a bucket of ice cream
a marriage that lasts
friendships that are true and lasting
to understand your calling in life
to be a better wife, mother, husband or father
to understand single life
a sex life that’s fulfilling and free from worry

Where do I get more information?

Check out the resources page of this website.

So…

Next time someone asks, “What’s Theology of the Body anyway?” You can tell ’em! Or just send them here. And I hope you find that past and future blog posts show just how beautiful and freeing this view of human sexuality really is.

Question: Are you content with how much you know about Theology of the Body? If not, what are you going to do about it? You can comment by clicking here.

The gift of over-giving